What is the most ideal trait for success?
Think of the trait that you would most likely want to have for personal success?
Many people would guess intelligence as a definite and safe answer to that question. But in fact, many have ignored the trait that they absolutely need to develop to be able to relate best to people in society. Think of how many problems people seem to report on a daily basis, even those that seem to be successful or wealthy. What is necessary to take into consideration is their success in relationships as the main factor in their overall success. Some people never ever seem to have any problems, while others always seem to have problems lurking in all corners and areas of their life.
There is no magic solution to resolving issues in life, but the ability to delay gratification and having a high level of self-control, appears to be a major trait that could solve most social issues, and it could very well be an important one for all people to develop for all aspects of their social life either personal and/or work-life.
One must keep in mind that better self-control is to actually reduce impulse reactions and outcomes. However, one might think that someone with intelligence may have better chances to have increased self-control, this is a misconception and is not as much a predictor for various indicators of success.
The Case for Self-Gratification and Results
Bing Nursery School did a simple study based on Marshmallows with children of 4 to 5 years old. They were presented with marshmallows and were told that if they held on to 1 marshmallow for 15 minutes, they could get a second one (doubling their first). So if they ate the first one, they wouldn’t get a second one. All the while, the kids were also being filmed since they were told that they would be left alone to decide and during those 15 minutes. Some children couldn’t hold back, but others did, and convinced themselves whichever way possible that they should not eat that first marshmallow. An example of that study can be seen here: Marshmallow Experiment
The initial results of that study were not the only relevant ones, but in fact, what came later on in the lives of those children. It was shown that the children who held off eating that first marshmallow therefore having the ability to delay their gratification at that time, later in life went on to become a lot more successful, wealthier, as well as more physically and mentally healthier than their counterparts who couldn’t hold back. Further to that, these same children who delayed gratification, also had better quality relationships, specifically less breakups, fights, and divorces.
Further studies on these children as adults, have shown that the adults’ brains not only functioned differently but were also structured differently. Specifically, the section of the brain concerned are the frontal lobes, and those with better self-control (less impulsive) had smaller lobes. This was a result of less impulse activity since the size of a brain’s frontal lobes are known to be correlated to the level of impulse.
Practice Builds Tolerance and Self-Control
How do we apply this to our own lives and to our agile practice? There are ways to develop your self-control and delayed gratification. Just like any physical exercise, the key is to do it gradually and consistently over time.
The most common practice to develop this is by first creating a list of goals that you may have. These goals may be related to personal life or workplace. Be aware that this delayed gratification activity may somewhat be energy draining at first if you are not used to having a high level of self-control, but it will indeed make you better at it. The idea is to pick something that you would frequently do in the day, and once identified, make sure to do it less and less in the day. This does not necessarily have to be a bad habit, but would certainly be a good start.
Examples would include:
- holding back from those extra sugary snacks or drinks in the day,
- delaying that next urge to smoke a cigarette or vape,
- sticking to that one task from beginning to finish without being distracted about the other remaining tasks that you might feel need to be taken care of in the same day,
- holding back from reacting toward a fellow co-worker regarding a simple error or mistake
- taking a walk to your local destination instead of driving there
- cooking your food instead of ordering take out or microwave meals
Observe your list at the beginning and then at the end of the day, and do this day-by-day for at least a week to see whether or not your results improved or not. For those who practice agility this can easily be setup as weekly sprints. The key to understanding this, is to observe your level of motivation or level of energy from delaying your gratification. You may even notice that your goal results were achieved a lot faster and higher quality than you would have if you didn’t delay gratification. One must realize that self-control also has a threshold in capacity, therefore, the more you can practice delayed gratification and self-control for one thing, it can promote better self-control management efficiencies for others. So if you do not practice self-control, do not be surprised that you find yourself slipping out of control most of the time because you have no time to focus on any particular one.
Image courtesy of ddpavumba at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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